Two of Us On the Run
February 5, 2025I want to share with you a song that I have had on repeat for weeks now.
I hope you enjoyed this special special music. This song was first sent to me by the most delightful of friends Megan back in July of last year. Specifically July 28th. Here’s a collection of photographs from that day.
I look at these photographs and I in many ways see a completely different Dan. All those cliches - “isn’t it funny how day to day nothing changes but looking back everything has?” What an amazing experience he has ahead of him. I hope he can remember that.
Okay, back to the writing. I wanted to break down the lyrics and what they have meant to me. I’ll try to be concise but I’m known for making a short story long. So here it goes:
“There are two of us on the run”
Do you know how the way other people see you is not how you see yourself? I have felt this intensified on my travels (the run). The two people that are running is one that is scared of monotony and stagnation, a fear that is bandaged by adventure and novelty in new experiences, which are of no short supply in a nomadic world, and one who so deeply wants to be interconnected and intertwined in his communities and the lives of the people he loves. A number that only grows with all those that he meets on the road. These two sides of myself are less yin and yang and more two tracks overlaid with volumes constantly in flux. And sometimes while inside the wildest moments of vibrant joy, i hear the siren call of the other side soft and clear, and dream of what could be.
“Going so fast, every doubt we had is coming undone”
For almost all of the past three years I have been in flux. Constantly just moving from one town to the next, one big adventure to the next, one group of friends to the next. When i was moving this quickly there was never really time for doubts. I was blinded by the beauty and excitement of what was in front of me. But any time I sat in one place for a little longer than normal, the doubts would flood back in of “what am i doing? Why am I doing this?” With no imminent distraction, it seemed this dream had spiraled into something even i was unable to rationalize. So i got moving again.
“And falling behind with everything we left there
We held on for far too long”
When I started this nomadic life of sorts, I didn’t realize how much i would be leaving behind. I knew there were things I had to leave to become who I am, who I’m proud to be. But there was no way to realize the actual cost of what running would entail. In fact there is no set cost for your dreams, this cost is still accumulating and at times I honestly ask myself if it was all worth it. The missed dinner parties with close friends in favor of awkward strangers at bars. Missing being there for your best friend after a breakup. Or thinking, if I would have stayed, maybe they would still be alive right now… To regret the past is to believe that it would’ve been better the other way and there is no way to know that.
But what I do know is that when i was gearing up to make the decision of leaving, that I held on. Far far far far too long. Trying to think of everything that could happen, so i could brace for impact before evening gettin on the rocket. If you have a dream you are curious about, you must realize that nobody on the other side of the dream has it figured out. Rip out the front seat of your Prius if you need to and listen to Shane Koyczan “The tiniest dream that you try to make happen, is worth more than the biggest dream you never attempt.” Try my dear friends. Whatever it is. Try. And if you need a kick in the butt call me.
“And now we pass so many people on the road
They could come along, I wish they’d been told
They may call it a shot in the dark
From what we know, it’s not unheard of”
In my travels there is a phrase that I hear repeated, “I wish I could do what you do.” A lot of the time, I chuckle, knowing that they don’t know what i know. With social media allowing people to make a living traveling and showcasing the “van life” it receives most people don’t realize that the first question i have most morning on the road is, “where am i gonna shit?” More often than not, it’s a cat hole in the rockiest PNW soil imaginable. Makes me miss the days of having a CVS in walking distance from the first camp spot I used in Puerto Rico.
Now, I want people to know that as much as there is unknown. You can do it. Be it traveling, making music, asking that person you like out. You can do it. It will definitely turn out different than you think. Odds are, and I’ve seen this in photography, there will be people with far worse skills “making it” whatever your definition may be. They won the game. And we should celebrate them, art has no room for elitism. But winning this “game” is a shot in the dark, and if you’ve ever wanted to win the lottery, you know the first step is to buy your ticket.
“And we’ll one day tell our story
Of how we made something of ourselves now”
You can only tell it’s a sign by looking back. Unless you run full speed into one.
“Our favorite parts are what we’ll keep
Ornamental parts of love and parts of memories”
In John Green’s review of Auld Lang Syne in his soulful book The Anthropocene Reviewed he writes, “I’ll never speak again to many of the people who loved me into this moment, just as you will never speak to many of the people who loved you into your now. And so we raise a glass to them–and hope that perhaps somewhere, they are raising a glass to us.”
I’m so thankful for all the people that have loved me into this moment. People from my life before I began this crazy adventure and all the people who I have met along the way. Each one added a new part into the stained glass mosaic of me. I wonder what it would be like to reconvene all of them into the same room for a potluck, but i guess that’s just what heaven is.
“So everything else has room to grow
‘Cause in better light, everything changes”
If you’ve ever had a garden or cared for some plants, you know that everything needs space to expand. One of the biggest gifts that these travels have given me is the time to grow. The time to be freely and wholly me exploring the things I’m passionate about. Time is our finite resource and sadly, far too often in my young life, I have been reminded that it is only rolling forward and never guaranteed.
As for the light… I encourage you to start walking around with a camera every where you go. See how a mundane scene can be elevated when the only thing that changes is the light that is around it. A reminder that we need to go places where we are celebrated.
“So we can one day tell our story
Of how we made something of ourselves now”
You can only tell it’s a sign by looking back. Unless you run full speed into one.
“There’s no race, there’s only a runner
Just keep one foot in front of the other
There’s no race there’s only a runner
1, 2, 3 even when you get tired
Just keep one foot in front of the other
There’s no race, no ending in sight
No second too short, no window too tight”
When I first listened to this song on top of that parking garage in Houston moments after Saying thank you to Terry and his flashlight (the sun), this was the line that stuck out the most.
The races we make for ourselves or allow ourselves to be entrapped inside of are the same one’s that will drive us insane when we don’t reach the arbitrary finish line that’s been concocted. When was the last time you did something just for the sake of the experience of being present. For no productive gains? I don’t want to confuse you and think that I’m saying having goals is a bad thing, I just want you to first fall in love with the process. You were born to run, to dance, to sing along whatever trails beckon to your heart. And I hope that you see the vibrant petals and smell the heavenly fragrance of the wildflowers along your path. It is unique only to you.
As i learned in my many years marching with The Cadets “Are you really gonna let 8 people in green polos tell you the meaning behind your last 90 days?”
“Just turn off the lights when you leave
‘Cause we’ve got everything we’re gonna need”
Whenever you decide to leap, say thank you to everything that lead you to this moment. Know you will be different when you return, even if it seems that nothing has changed for those that stayed. And trust that anything you need to learn you’ll figure out along the way. It’s easier to learn how to dodge a punch when you’re in the ring.
“We’re on the run, we’re on the run, we’re on the run child
We gotta run, we gotta run, we gotta run child”
Whatever it is that beckons you, you gotta keep trying.
“One day tell our story
Of how we made something of ourselves now”
You can only tell it’s a sign by looking back. Unless you run full speed into one.
“One day tell our story
Of how we made something
We made something of ourselves”
This life has given me enough stories that I’m convinced my children will never believe my dad lore. To convince them is one of the reasons I’m compelled to photograph so many moments, keep an inconsistent journal, and add to my structureless brain dumping notes app. All of these catalogues of me help me in connecting the dots of my story. A story that I’m not sure society would agree adds up to me having made something of myself now, but I know one thing; I am kind. And it’s my biggest hope that my resonant song is still reverberating, making new chords across the planet in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
With Love,
Dan
P.S. Here is a live video that I love. :)