I have felt lucky to begin my last three New Years with adventures. Twice I have celebrated by running Lava Falls (the biggest rapid on the Grand Canyon) amidst some of the best people I have come to meet on this planet. Last year it was the start of my 100 day adventure in Central America that led me to 5 countries and countless new friendships. These adventures have been a shot of hope allowing me to confidently walk into the uncertainty of the incoming year. A memory that I can return to as the as the worries piled on.
However, just like in those previous three years, as the year progresses the shot of hope wears down and worries have begun to pile on alongside the growing gray despair of clouds hugging the earth. January becomes less about a new beginning and more about “oh not again…” and. This feeling was perfectly captured yesterday in this this Reel I shared to my instagram story:
Luckily we have now passed that great threshold that holds us captive from the hopeful spring months, but oh my IT’S ONLY February!?!? How can so much happen in just one month?!? Especially so much bad…
America is falling more and more from being a world leader to world laughing stock as we become everything we fought so hard against. The ideals that i thought were self-evident “that all men are created equal, endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness?” are failing here at home. It feels to me as if our President has decided that “the only people who are people are the people who look and think like him.” and because of this faux leadership I now have friends that are worried about the security of their future rights to marry who they love. I have friends who have lost job offers to work selflessly (and severely underpaid) inside our national parks. And I see many people, myself included, who are worried about the treatment of their neighbors and family members who primarily speak any language that isn’t English. I have so many questions that I would want to ask the other side but it really comes down “What are you so afraid of that when you see people living joyous and lovingly you feel pulled closer to hatred instead of love?”
I’m working hard at reminding myself that I have to see the joys. I have to be like Waymond in Everything Everywhere All at Once so that even when “You tell me it’s a cruel world, and we’re all just running around in circles. I know that. I’ve been on this earth as many days as you. When I choose to see the good side of things, I’m not being naive. This is how I fight.”
And my friends there is so much to fight for. I have been keeping a log of my delights this week and while I was gonna wait til Monday to share, it felt right to share them now. This is what I’m fighting for:
Anytime adults go about playing like kids. Like at the see-saw where I happened to be journaling on Wednesday.
When a friend is vulnerable to share what is going on in their life. As i learned from Simon Sinek, I would feel hurt if you robbed me of the chance to take care of you.
Listening to Woods by Bon Iver as a great loop. I think it was a YouTube comment that recommended i first open up woods in like 10 tabs and listen to it by starting to play each tab at a slightly different time. That first time was amazing and I have since returned to this at times of needing peace. I would also recommend once upon another time by Sara bareills for this. Do you have any recommendations?
Reconnecting with people i thought I wouldn’t be talking to possibly ever again. I can’t say for everyone that you need to reach out and mend hurt relationships, but if that pull is strong enough, I think you should.
Sitting down for dinner of Pasta and vegetables and Harrison pointed out the orchid that had just bloomed
Calling my friends Livia and Devin in the same day!
The Utah Symphony Orchestra playing Rite of Spring by Stravinsky and Desert Music by Steve Reich
I watched interstellar and will write more about my feelings about that soon… ish… lots to unpack
Ran around with Harrison and saw many fun little free libraries and even this weird pigeon wearing a hat
I got to spend so much time creating postcards and other art projects. :)
I went to art galleries that made let me see how people of all cultures and backgrounds are expressing themselves and their beauty in this tumultuous time. Recommendations include: atis rezistans ghetto biennale/Salt 16/Portrait of Ross
Adult Children
Tres Steins
Salt 16
Untitled
The secret to art is…
Border - Kendra Nuttall
Okay - Lucas Figun Westbrook
I believe In corn Dogs
Two goobers
I know these things aren’t direct action in the fight against the growing oppression and uncertainty of our future. But if I don’t choose to see the good, I will lose all energy to keep fighting. As my best friend Jay has told me. “The best form of protest is to LIVE.” So please live your truth. However that may manifest itself. Go find the places where you are celebrated, not just tolerated, and please never accept shame from others for being the loving person you are. From there we will organize our love and continue to uplift our communities. It’s only February. How will you answer this question?
“In the alley, there is a bright pink flower peeking out through the asphalt.
A: it looks like futility,
B: it looks like hope.”
- Amy Krause Rosenthal
I will forever choose B. I hope you do to and that you share it with me.
I love you,
Dan Regalado
P.S - If you’re having a hard time in uncomfortable conversations with people who differ from you, or are looking for some helpful frameworks of how to move into the unknown of our current times, I recommend the following books:
Long time no write yeah? Well I think that’s gotta change. And here’s why…
I’ve been lucky enough since my recent Grand Canyon rafting trip to house with my now dear dear friend Harrison in Salt Lake City. I say “now” because contrary to what people have thought upon seeing the two of us together being absolute goons on the streets and canyons around Salt Lake, we hadn’t met until that trip. It was day 0 when upon being in the same chore group that was on rest day, I asked if he wanted to watch the sunset with me. And it was there while we were sitting there watching beavers swim in the Colorado River’s glistening evening glow, he asked “So you marched drum corps?”. I was shook. “YOUKNOWWHATDRUMCORPSIS?!?” I quickly turned surprised that someone else on this river trip knew what this crazy activity was. “Yeah, I marched two years in the Guard with the Boston Crusaders.” Damn, I thought, this man didn’t just know drum corps, he was one of the best in the activity.
What followed over the next three weeks was a fast merging of our brains until the rest of the crew on our trip just told us we shared one collective brain cell. There were endless conversations of the music that had shaped us, our joy for this ridiculous marching arts activity that shaped us, our dream to design one day for this art form of hope, storytelling and community, and a sharing of our most vulnerable selves that was greeted with nothing but love and curiosity. When people ask me what the Canyon gave me, I usually answer “the reminder of how amazing it is to be in community with others of shared interest pursuing this goal in a liminal space and time.” And really what I mean is, “it gave me Harrison.”
the canyon is complete
Island of fun :)
getting our kicks
Snowman!!!
corporate wants you to find the difference…
Now having been in Salt Lake almost 2 weeks all those great things from our time in the Canyon have continued. While we both work on separate projects during the day we are constantly sharing music that inspires us. We have been to many museums and concerts talking about what we like and don’t like about the art in front of us. We have collaborated on my postcard designs giving feedback and inspiration for what to do next and on Harrison’s musical compositions - just wait til he finishes what he is working on. It’s gonna be so lovely. I feel lucky to have seen the beginnings of this project. And I couldn’t forget the endless inside jokes that have formed. Frog, Raccoon, Corndog. :)
So I guess that all brings me to where I am right now. Writing in the beautiful Salt Lake City Library reflecting on the past month plus of this lucky life I get to live when I was reminded of a conversation Harrison and I had in the canyon about music and it’s “inevitability”.
I was watching Hank Green’s Vlogbrothers video, a 18 year long back and forth video blog between him and his brother John, when Hank said:
“The response rate [to call to actions for SciShow] is much higher, and I think that is in part because the people here understand that SciShow exists because we made it exist and it is not an inevitability. You understand that it’s not inevitable if you were a part of the creation of the thing. To people in the SciShow audience they only came in after it started existing. They don’t understand that it’s not inevitable. They don’t understand in the same way that a world without could easily exist. And that world would be worse. Because we need accurate well crafted science information that is also popular so that it can bring people into a respect for the power of scientific tools and scientific thinking”
“You understand that it’s not inevitable if you were a part of the creation of the thing.”
Hearing these words I recalled how In the midst of the documentary “American Symphony”, the story of Jon Batiste’s writing of a premiere work while also supporting his wife’s battle through cancer relapse, Jon says:
“What we love about music is not that it sounds good. What we love about music is that it sounds inevitable. It’s playing the thing that we all know is unfolding, whether we want to accept it or not. And it’s there always. You just need to harness it. Be open to it.”
Spending the last week each day trying to create a new postcard, I feel more intimately connected to this struggle of creation than I have in the past few months. If you were to watch the timelapse you would see endless second guessing of what one may deem the simplest decisions: what color to make the border, the shape of the heart I drew, and worst of all my handwriting. (Be thankful this essay is typed!) Harrison has watched me stare blankly into the middle distance as all ideas were emptied from my brain and heard the countless expletives and groans followed by “WHATNOW!?!” And then he walks over, grabs the pencil and say’s “what about…” and the ideas are flowing again.
And well, I guess I am wondering what people would say if they had to take a guess of how much time I spent on each one? What was each element inspired by and how was each element created? I’d love to hear your thoughts. You can write to me here.
So what does all this have to do with “long time no write?” Well, I have felt so pulled in my life to create and share stories be it photographs, composing music, or writing about my travels and I have just believed that it’s inevitable that my art would create itself. Being the one consistent audience member of my life I can just relish in the private gallery showing of the ideas in my head. There’s just one problem, that means I don’t get to share them with anybody. And if there is anything I know in life: it’s about community. It’s about the people we share this strange and brief eternity with. And I would love it if you too could join in walking the halls of my mind and admiring what is on the gallery walls. Noticing, wondering, and being reminded of things in your own life. Already a dear friend has reminded me that it’s much better to be in the communities making change than on the outsides just talking about them. So I hope that in some way my art connects with you and if you feel so pulled, to create and share the stories of your life. That is after all what makes the community special. And if I could just tell you about what Nerdfighteria, the community around VlogBrothers, has done in the past 18 years, well you would be just as surprised as the rest of us. DFTBA (Don’t Forget To Be Awesome).
So I hope you join me on this journey. Whether as an artist yourself. (Which you are! And if you don’t believe me please go to your library and get the book: You are an Artist by John Green’s Wife Sarah Urist Green and get creating). You could sign up for my mailing list (I’m unsure of what that’ll be used for) or you can just send me your thoughts, and most of all please please please keep me accountable for sharing.
I’m committing to starting with the following process: twice a week for writing, the topics will be varied and chaotic as well as a consistent sharing of things I delighted in this week. Twice a week for instagram posts of photos or postcards you can follow me here @danregaladophotography, . And then as for the music… well we shall see. The best thing i got to do, as I read from Anne Lamott, put my butt in the chair.
“I believe this to my core, there is no best musician, best artist, best dancer, best actor, the creative arts are subjective and they reach people at a point in their lives when they need it most. It’s like a song or an album is made and it almost has a radar to find the person when they need it the most. I mean, man. I like to thank God. I just put my head down and I work on the craft every day. I love music. I’ve been playing since I was a little boy. It’s more than entertainment for me, it’s a spiritual practice.”
“Every single artist that was nominated in this category I actually love and have had experiences, out of body experiences, with your music. I honor you. And this is for real artists, real musicians. Let’s just keep going. Be you. That’s it. I love you even if I don’t know you” - Jon Batiste
Welcome back to the my writings. I’m currently in Boise, Idaho. After over two years of not posting to this blog, I hope to find the consistency to share my thoughts in writing as I continue to grow up and figure out what it means to be and adult in this world. Hopefully these public writings will also serve as a community space and more selfishly a public record that I was here. I am alive.
Having wrapped up my job in Oregon almost a month ago, I have hit the stretch of my summer plans where outside of a few pre-planned trips I will be spending many of my travel days alone. And as someone who thrives inside of the communities that I’ve built around me, this definitely isn’t the easiest thing for me to do. And yet, for some reason, I keep being drawn to the road and the places it leads.
I’ve learned that while living out of my car, a 2002 Toyota Prius, life can feel very free.
Sometimes too free. Should I do this hike or that one? Drive all the way to this next town, but at what cost of gas? Oh also and I need to eat food at some point today what should that be? All of the freedoms this provides gets me into a type of decision paralysis that at my worst I’ve coped with by mindlessly reading the news, staring out the window wishing for a future or past date to come to me, or just “planning” without any actual results. When I was working and able to explore with coworkers on the weekends, the travels were enjoyable.
Otherwise I realized I was having a hard time being alone. I began to spend a lot of time thinking on how I could be better at being alone. I started journaling my ideas and reading blogs from other travelers but wasn’t finding any true answers that felt tangible in their results. Continuing my search for answers, I started to reread some of my old writings and to my surprise, I realized that I had written on this topic before.
Connect with your community. Find your Routine. Express your emotions.Embrace being alone.
Having revisited my writings, I’d like to add more of observations into their meaning.
Connect with your community - This used to be solely focused on those that I had traveled away from, keeping up with the many people I love back in my various homes. It should be added that this also means the community that is around you in each new place you visit. Each city, local brewery/coffee shop, and especially campgrounds. Yes, we want to stay connected with many people in our life, but the reality is, it is harder to do that when you don’t see people. So don’t neglect the people that are right there around you. People in coffee shops have given me great recommendations for places to visit. People in parking lots have been a great conversation while we share a mango. And people at campgrounds have shared food, drinks and many laughs. Talk to people and connect with the many sides of humanity. Sure we may never meet some of these people again, but I believe that in someway we will see some of them down the road of life. So call a friend. Text a friend. Heck, run into a friend that just happens to be in the same town you are in. Anything that reminds you that while you are out here “alone” you have a large community around you.
Find your Routine - The wisdom of my friend Hannah still rings true. Build a routine that allows for flexibility to weave itself in. My routine looks a lot different now that I’m not based out of a house but at it’s heart there are a few key components to my routine that allow me to be as close to my best self.
Exercise - A trail run, a hike, a workout in the local park, trying the local climbing gym. Do something that moves my body and usually do this first thing in the morning after breakfast. It isn’t overly hot in the day yet and will set me up with good momentum to get moving in the day.
Learning/Try Something New- Currently I’m working on improving my Spanish. Reading, Writing, Listening, and hardest of all speaking the new language is a struggle. But each new word and phrase helps me feel like today I was able to accomplish something good. Also look at the local community event board and do something different. Go to a concert, a art gathering, a dance party. Just do something that will get you out into a new environment.
Connection to Community - (See above)
Fuel Yourself- While I’m on the road I can often forget to eat the amount I need to. Taking time each day to actually make a meal and not just snack means I am set up to perform in all the above activities at a high level.
Rest - When you live out of your car and are trying new things each day you must know when you have to just sit and rest and recharge. For me this could be finding a place to nap outside listening to some of my favorite music, reading a book, or swimming in some water. Yes there are many fun things to see and do in the world, but if you don’t have the energy, just rest. Otherwise, your body will make you rest at some other inconvenient time.
Create/Express - (see below)
Remember - Taking the time to journal is important to staying in the moment. Each night writing something small helps me ground myself in this experience and all that it has to offer me. Otherwise these memories will all fade into the montage of our life without any specificity saved to the memories the emotions and experiences that made each of these moments special.
Not all of these things will happen each day. But combining a few into the day can help me find a direction of where to take the day. Leading to many unexpected meetings with people and serendipitous joys around unknown corners.
Express your emotions - I think it is well known that withholding your emotions can cause you pressurize like a shaken soda bottle. We might think that all has been okay, but eventually, the cap will burst and soak not only us, but probably the people around us. So we need to express the highs the lows and all the in-betweens. Most of the time this is done for me in my photography, but as I continue to learn the guitar I find I also can express my thoughts musically. I have finally written a complete song and I hope to continue to do more. I also am starting to appreciate all the friends that are available when I just need to talk it out. Your attention and listening are appreciated.
Embrace being alone - Lastly I want to share a poem I came across recently in a video while trying to teach myself how to be alone. I’ll copy it here to read, but I recommend that you watch a lovely video put together by it’s author.
If you are at first lonely, be patient. If you’ve not been alone much, or if when you were, you weren’t okay with it, then just wait. You’ll find it’s fine to be alone once you’re embracing it.
We could start with the acceptable places, the bathroom, the coffee shop, the library. Where you can stall and read the paper, where you can get your caffeine fix and sit and stay there. Where you can browse the stacks and smell the books. You’re not supposed to talk much anyway so it’s safe there.
There’s also the gym. If you’re shy you could hang out with yourself in mirrors, you could put headphones in (guitar stroke).
And there’s public transportation, because we all gotta go places.
And there’s prayer and meditation. No one will think less if you’re hanging with your breath seeking peace and salvation.
Start simple. Things you may have previously (electric guitar plucking) based on your avoid being alone principals.
The lunch counter. Where you will be surrounded by chow-downers. Employees who only have an hour and their spouses work across town and so they – like you – will be alone.
Resist the urge to hang out with your cell phone.
When you are comfortable with eat lunch and run, take yourself out for dinner. A restaurant with linen and silverware. You’re no less intriguing a person when you’re eating solo dessert to cleaning the whipped cream from the dish with your finger. In fact some people at full tables will wish they were where you were.
Go to the movies. Where it is dark and soothing. Alone in your seat amidst a fleeting community.
And then, take yourself out dancing to a club where no one knows you. Stand on the outside of the floor till the lights convince you more and more and the music shows you. Dance like no one’s watching…because, they’re probably not. And, if they are, assume it is with best of human intentions. The way bodies move genuinely to beats is, after all, gorgeous and affecting. Dance until you’re sweating, and beads of perspiration remind you of life’s best things, down your back like a brook of blessings.
Go to the woods alone, and the trees and squirrels will watch for you.
Go to an unfamiliar city, roam the streets, there’re always statues to talk to and benches made for sitting give strangers a shared existence if only for a minute and these moments can be so uplifting and the conversations you get in by sitting alone on benches might’ve never happened had you not been there by yourself
Society is afraid of alonedom, like lonely hearts are wasting away in basements, like people must have problems if, after a while, nobody is dating them. but lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.
You could stand, swathed by groups and mobs or hold hands with your partner, look both further and farther for the endless quest for company. But no one’s in your head and by the time you translate your thoughts, some essence of them may be lost or perhaps it is just kept.
Perhaps in the interest of loving oneself, perhaps all those sappy slogans from preschool over to high school’s groaning were tokens for holding the lonely at bay. Cuz if you’re happy in your head than solitude is blessed and alone is okay.
It’s okay if no one believes like you. All experience is unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be releived, keeps things interesting lifes magic things in reach.
And it doesn’t mean you’re not connected, that communitie’s not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it. take silence and respect it. if you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it. if your family doesn’t get you, or religious sect is not meant for you, don’t obsess about it.
you could be in an instant surrounded if you needed it
If your heart is bleeding make the best of it
There is heat in freezing, be a testament.
—
Thanks for reading. I hope you have gotten something out of this. If you have anything you want to share or add I’d love it if you emailed me here. You can also sign up to my email list at the bottom of this page here.
I also will be updating my print store so It would mean the world to me if you took a look and possibly bought a print supporting me and my art. It’s also just lovely seeing my work out in print in the world. As a thanks for reading this use the code: ALONE for 10% off your order :)
This final image was taken just yesterday. One of the first times in a long time I have felt at peace alone out in the wide world.